| Once and a while it's ok to think you're beautiful... |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|08:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  what do you see? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Relient K | ] |
i'm afraid to show you my heart because then you'll see the inside of me.
you won't see the person i try to be, you'll see the person i really am.
you'll see all of my faults, my weaknesses, and my guilts.
you'll see the hearts i've broken, the lies i've told, and the mistakes i've made.
you'll see my dreams, my aspirations, you'll know my prayers.
you won't see the one you know, you'll see a stranger.
i'm afraid to show you my heart because then you'll really know.
you won't have to guess or question, because it will be right there in front of you.
but along with all the things that i do wrong, you'll also see the good.
you'll see the love that i have to give, you'll see all the reasons i have to live.
you'll see all my triumphs, my sucess, and my being.
you'll see the person that you thought existed but never truly knew.
you won't see what i try to show, or who i try to be.
i'm afraid to show you my heart because then you'll see that i'm more than just who i am, you'll see me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2005|03:47 pm] |
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100 Years by Five for Fighting |
"Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live"
2004 was about thinking and reflecting - but isn't every year?
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|09:27 pm] |
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never say forever. trying to say something so profound just to get noticed is a concept i'm beginning to feel the need for. why is it that you only listen to the words that i'm saying, there's so much more in silence. can you hear it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 28th, 2004|03:54 pm] |
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"Will you tell her that she's beautiful, or will you let her just walk by? Will you tell her that you need her more than anything you've needed, or will she just walk by? Will you tell her that she's everything that you've ever looked for? Or will she just walk away, and never know your name...will you tell her that she's beautiful? She needs to hear the words, even though she never knew you, but will you ever know if she could...know that she was beautiful, or that she's everything you needed, the only thing that makes up your dreams and everything you've looked for. Or will she just walk away?" |
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| can you see me? |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|04:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Broken" | ] |
i think i want to be something i'm not. too bad i don't even know what that is. i see you do this, and i see you do that, why can't i do it too? how come things always have to be so difficult? man i miss the good days when everything was easy. that's what's so stupid about growing up, you always seem to mess things up.
as much as i wish i could say i'm one way, i'm the total opposite. i don't even want to try, i know i'll just make a fool of myself. i wish tho that i could just take one day to see what it's like.
dang. i miss someone i don't even know. for some reason i feel this connection and it's driving me nuts. i can't even imagine what you're up to, or how you're doing. too bad i wish i could do something, i wish i could just be with you.
it's like i'm standing still, while everything is going crazy mad around me. but i don't feel it getting better. just staying the same. why do i feel like the same person that i was 4 years ago? how come i don't feel grown up yet? it's almost hard to try to picture what's gonna happen next. please take care of it for me.
i guess i'm trying too hard, to...do something, make myself stand out among everyone else, let people see who i really am. and the scarey thing is, i'm only 17. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|11:04 pm] |
I need to feel You near me.
I need to touch Your face.
I need to have You hold me.
Cuz I'm so lost in this place.
Lord, I need You to save me,
From these lies that overbear.
Please, please take me home
Yeah, just say You'll meet me there.
Cuz I am sinking,
Yeah, I am falling under.
And I can't feel You,
Just take away this thunder.
This storm surrounds me...
And is swallowing me whole.
Lord just calm the waters,
And let me know You're in control.
I seek to find that You're right next to me,
Although sometimes it may not feel that way.
Even though I think I'm all alone,
Yeah, I think that I am on my own.
You take me and You show me how,
To feel Your strength and feel Your power,
And I feel You, yeah I feel You now.
Cuz now I'm kneeling,
Yeah I pray and wonder.
What You do,
To take away the thunder.
Now You surround me,
Yeah it's You that makes me whole.
Lord, You calmed the waters,
And you're always in control. |
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| PICTURE TIME! :) |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|10:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" | ] |
...~FSU VOCAL SOLO CAMP~...
Haley, Me, Diana, Sally, Staci, and Jena - Kick Butt Bowling Chicks
Me, Diana, Haley, and Caroline! Best Roomies EVER! :)
Sally, Shelby, Allyson, Diana, Haley, and Me! During "Practice Time" HA!
Diana...my Polynesian Princess...and Me! HAHA!
Cool huh?! |
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| How much does Jesus love us? |
[Jul. 16th, 2004|05:59 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | More than you can Imagine... | ] |
"It was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down."
- Isaiah 53:4
This verse totally speaks to me, but I think mainly because of this skit that a church that went to Fuge(the camp I went to) did at the variety show...it's hard to explain but I'll try, because I really want you guys to know about it...
So first off it has a guy portraying Jesus, and this girl portraying all of us. The whole entire time there is music playing that totally goes along with the story, and there are no words spoken.
It starts out with Jesus going up behind the girl touching her shoulders and giving her "life" then he stands her up and points out the things in the distance showing her that they all belong to her...like when God showed Eve all the things in the Garden of Eden that belonged to her, but then he pointed to the tree that she could not touch or get fruit from and showed that the tree was bad.
Then after that Jesus steps aside and a guy portraying the devil comes up and starts to bother the girl pushing her around and making her eat a piece of fruit from the forbidden tree...once she takes a bite it shows Jesus shaking his head in shame and just standing on the side looking at what happens next. Then two more guys come up with the devil and they show them all partying and drinking and smoking and then the 2 guys hold onto the girl as the other one beats her up.
At this point in the skit I was on the verge of tears...but there's more...
Then they all freeze and Jesus pulls the girl out of their grip and places himself in her place. Then they unfreeze and they continue to beat him. Then they throw him down and begin to nail down his hands...but when they get to his feet they hand the nail to the girl and she hammers in the last one. Then they stand him up and there Jesus is in the form of a cross while the devil laughs at him and throws his hands up towards the sky like he's throwing this in God's face and asking him what he's gonna do now.
But then Jesus takes himself out of the form of a cross and this scares the devil and he runs away...this whole time though the girl is on the side just watching them do all this to Jesus...but instead of Jesus scolding her or leaving her by herself...he goes over and wraps his arms around her and just holds her, despite of everything she did to him...
And although you probably can't get the full affect of this powerful message by me just telling you...it was an awesome portrayal of what Jesus did for us, and even though we do everything wrong he still forgives us and takes us back!
And that ladies and gentlemen is how much Jesus loves you! |
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| You make me smile... |
[Jun. 23rd, 2004|08:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  SMILE! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Fighter" | ] |
"Never give up on the things that make you smile."
Guess that means I'd never be able to give up on you! :) |
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| You are Strong Enough... |
[Jun. 23rd, 2004|04:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Strong Enough
(Stacie Orrico)
As I rest against this cold, hard wall
Will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?
Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If I'm healed,renewed, and find forgiveness find the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?
He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I've finally found
That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh Thank You for my chance to start again
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| Le falto más hoy que ayer... |
[Jun. 13th, 2004|07:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thinking... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "How Many Times" | ] |
"How many times can you fill my mind in a day?
How many times can your name come across my lips?
Why is your memory floating around in my head?
What is it about you that won't let me forget?"
Guess I didn't ever let you go... |
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| The secret is out... |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|01:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  wooo! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | some song by Trapt that's playin in my head! | ] |
I love listening to old cds that you used to love but haven't listened to in forever. And when you listen to them you are pleasantly surprised that you know every single word to every song on the cd...and you just smile because it makes you feel good. Yeah I love that!
I hate losing touch with people...like you talk to them for a long time, then all of a sudden you just find your self not talking to them at all. Maybe its because you just don't want to, or maybe the reason is out of your control...but either way it stinks!
I love the rain, since its been raining a lot here lately its been really cool to just watch it fall, to hear the thunder, see the lightening...and even smell the rain, as weird as that sounds. It's just nice to sit and marvel at one of God's very many beautiful creations! YEAH!
I hate when people don't remember you, or recognize you. It kinda makes you feel like a fool for even going up to them in the first place, expecting them to know who you are. Maybe because you've changed a lot since they last saw you, or maybe because they don't want to remember you. It could be a good thing, but normally it isn't.
I love how I am randomly just writing about things I love and things I hate...man I could go on with this stuff for a while. Maybe I'll just make a list...haha it would definitely be shorter...but not as fun!
I hate when you used to be really close with someone and talk to them everyday and you never got bored with anything about them...but then things just stopped because of that person or other things. It just makes you feel bad because you want so badly to call them up again and see how they are doing, but they've kinda already moved on past what you used to have, and it seems as though they don't really want to have anything to do with you any more....and it hurts.
I love the way God works in people...I love when someone realizes their wrongs and how they have dishonored God and want to fix it so badly. I love to talk about God and what He's done for me in my life...and just share him with anyone who is willing to listen...yeah that's a really great feeling!
Ok so I'm gunna just end with a happy note cuz I'm sure if I were to put something else on here that I hate and end with that I'll just get all sad...so I wont! HA! But I am gunna go so happy happy happy thoughts everyone! :)
Later Loves!<3 |
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| Chasing the Ghost of a Good Thing... |
[May. 29th, 2004|10:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  not sure of things ::sigh:: | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" | ] |
I'm beginning to realize that I need to trust God with more in my life. I'm so scared that if I lose control of things, by handing them over to God that everything will fall apart. But what is so amazing is that handing over everything to Him results in the total opposite of disaster...it will just make things better. But I have to make myself really understand so I will be truly and fully aware of what "handing over" everything to Him really means. I've been just so selfish and so inconsiderate of so much that I am beginning to not even like myself. Its so sad because the people I'm around influence me so much...I'm like a peice of clay that just molds into whatever my surroundings are like just so I'll fit in...and I hate that! It's not like I do things that are way drastic, they are just little things that maybe only I can tell...but you know what, God says that every sin is a sin, no matter how big or how small. Because even if its just me that knows what I'm doing...it really isn't just me, God knows it too...I mean goodness He even knows before I do. I just feel like no matter what I don't ever get anywhere, like I'll make a decision then go back on it. I'm such a little kid when it comes to stuff like this. I want to be completely passionate about God, because He is that passionate about me. Why can't I just do this little thing called obeying Him, when He does everything, everything, everything for me! I'm just a wuss, I'm afraid of what might happen, or what might not happen. And I just want so badly for people to see Him in me...I just don't know what my problem is...AHHH! |
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| A word of Prayer... |
[May. 13th, 2004|08:48 pm] |
"I come on my knees
To lay down before You.
Bringing all that I am,
Longing only to know You.
Seeking Your face
And not only Your hand,
I find You embracing me
Just as I am."
God is AWESOME guys...
Dear Lord,
I pray that you make me a shining light for you. Someone who everyone will look at and just know that I am your servant. Someone who will give up reputation, and all the ways of the world...just give it all up to You, because You are the only way. You are the love of my life, You give me everything I need and will ever need. Without You I have nothing, but with You I have the most important thing of all, eternal life in Heaven with You! Lord help me not to want things I don't need, help me to never stray away from Your path, no matter how hard it may get. And help me to share You with those who don't know You. Lord thank you for the love you've shown me, and the breath you've given me! You are my God, and always will be.
In your holy and precious name I pray,
Amen! |
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| PROM PICTURES! :) |
[May. 9th, 2004|09:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I Don't Wanna Be" Gavin DeGraw | ] |
Kelly and Me at PROM!
Our PROM GROUP! (Sorry this one looks kinda funny cuz it's squished!)
Jenna, John, Sarah, Bizco, Lauren, Court, Bryanna, Corey, Me and Alex!
Us Girls! (At the Landing)
Erin, Me, Jenna, Becky, Bryanna, Haley, Sarah, Lauren, and Anna!
Yay for PROM! These are just like 3 out of the butt load of 60 pictures I took that night!! Haha!
I liked these the best tho...I might post more later!
All My LOVE! |
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| Amazing... |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|07:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Come On" Ben Jelen | ] |
"The LORD doesn't make decisions the way you do! People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at a person's thoughts and intentions." -1 Samuel 16:7
"It is not merely knowing the law that brings God's approval. Those who obey the law will be declared right in God's sight." -Romans 2:13
"Dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God's sight." -James 1:19-20
"When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you." -Isaiah 43:2
"I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me." -Philippians 3:9
This pretty much describes what I've been struggling with lately...and the crazy thing is, I didn't even go search for these verses...THEY came to me...
All My Love! |
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| My foot fell asleep!! AHHH! |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|07:01 pm] |
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Me and Morgan(my sister) at her birthday party!! 19 BABY!! :) I love you!!
p.s.-this is me without braces!! WOO HOO!! |
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| It when you cry just a little, but laugh in the middle... |
[Mar. 4th, 2004|03:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Back Home" Yellowcard | ] |
You walked in the door, and it caught me by total surprise.
I actually had to stop and look at you, because it's like I saw a different person.
You didn't know that I was looking at you, but I was.
You were there, then you left.
But it didn't seem like it happened that fast.
Almost in slow motion, as you grabbed the handle and slipped in the door.
Only there for one purpose, but you were beautiful.
I could have watched you forever,
But you turned around and walked away.
Like a dream that slowly faded.
If I could, I would have called out your name...
So you would know what I was thinking.
But once you were gone, you still lingered in my head.
Like you knew that I still wanted you to be there.
The smile that grew across my face was all for you.
If you only knew...
Cheese! --> :)
All My Love! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 27th, 2004|03:41 pm] |
Ok.
I'm ok.
No, I'm afraid.
I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to think anymore.
Everything is wrong.
You don't see it.
But I feel it.
It's growing inside me.
It's tearing me down.
I try not to succumb to it.
But it's winning.
I don't want to let go.
But it's so strong.
I don't want to give in.
Because I'm not like that.
I'm not supposed to feel this way.
I'm supposed to be happy.
No, it's not supposed to be like this.
Why is it like this?
What's the matter with me?
I know something is wrong.
I can feel it.
You can't see it.
But it's there.
And it won't go away. |
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chqitabananabby's journal
chipper